Reflections on Being a Mother, Having Mothers, and Other Motherly Things

As I said I hadn’t put a lot of mental energy into the deep, complicated layers that Mother’s Day brings forth for me: being adopted, being two mothers’ daughter, being both a mom to four children and now a grandmother. All I’d done was some basic pre-planning, then I hopped on a plane to NJ to help my very pregnant daughter move. In packing my suitcase, I considered my role: scrubbing out the new refrigerator, wiping down cabinets, lining kitchen drawers, unpacking scores of boxes, washing dozens and dozens of glassware and placing them in clean cupboards. So, I threw comfy jeans, work shirts and comfy shoes into a carry-on and boarded the plane. When I returned to Chicago for Mother’s Day proper, my back and neck would remind me where I’d been and what I’d helped my daughter accomplish.

It was in helping my daughter set up the nursery for her first child that motherhood and all its relevancies struck me. When I snuggled the blue and yellow carpet into the corners of the nursery, I recalled my Mom stenciling the border around the ceiling of my own children’s first nursery. More memories tumbled after that one. My in-laws were the first hospital visitors to cradle my oldest daughter when she entered this crazy world. Both parent sets offered babysitting for weekends off and dinners out. My Mom rushed over to help when all of us came down with the stomach flu, only to contract it herself. I could rattle on and on with similar anecdotes, but that isn’t the point.

In considering Mother’s Day and analyzing motherhood, I have a fresher outlook of the significant roles both my adoptive mother and mother-in-law played as I built my family.  In NJ this past week, I repeated that cycle by offering help where it was needed, giving with my time not just the checkbook. My mothers had shown me how to be a good mother through careful words and unselfish deeds. I had repeated what generations of women before me had done for their children: exhibited love, care and concern without requiring thanks. The result is a lasting bond that is free and priceless.

Mother’s Day isn’t just about cards and flowers and token phone calls. It’s true meaning is bound in the love and memories we have of the significant mother figures in our lives. By recalling their loving deeds, we acknowledge and honor these cherished women. All a mother wants is to be part of their child’s life. If we are recognized for that, one day out of the year, we are complete.

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