I Met My Birthmother During National Adoption Month

When I was adopted in 1959, there wasn’t a National Adoption Awareness Month in November. On the day before Thanksgiving, National Adoption Day did not exist either.  These national proclamations became official between 1984 and 2000 (see my blog post on 10-30-19).  

It is important to note that before 1984, closed adoptions were the norm.  While adoptions were prevalent, there was much secrecy surrounding them. Adoption records and original birth records were sealed to protect the rights of the birth and adoptive parents. In the 1980s, some orphanages closed, state agencies assumed those roles, and the foster care system was born. Private adoptions and open adoptions became more popular, thus fewer closed adoptions took place.  Adoption awareness grew out of the need to place children from foster care into permanent homes, hence the national designations.

In the fall of 2010, I joined the post-adoption support group at Catholic Charities in Chicago.  At this time, I was in an active search for my birth relatives.  A health issue forced me to get serious about attaining family medical history.  At this support group, I learned about various events dealing with adoption. The first was Birth Mother’s Day, which occurs the day before Mother’s Day. The second was National Adoption Awareness Month. Attendance at these group meetings became an integral part of my life. I needed the counsel of the social worker leading the meetings and the support of my fellow adoptees as I experienced the rigors of the adoption search and reunion process.

At the start of 2011, my adoption search came to a screeching halt. My birth mother denied contact with me.  Legally, this meant that my social worker was not allowed to reach out to my birth mother again for any reason.  Unfortunately for me, my birth mom denied me without providing the medical information I sought.  In order to attain it, my intermediary had to go before a judge with letters from my doctors and seek permission to send a second outreach.  He granted the request and my birth mother complied. 

Six months later my birth mom contacted the intermediary with a request to establish contact with me, and we began our reunion.  After six weeks of exchanging letters and photos, we progressed to talking by phone. Two months after reconnecting, I travelled to my birth mom’s home state, and we met in person.  That visit occurred on the Sunday after Thanksgiving and fell during the month of November, National Adoption Awareness Month.

The topic of adoption is complicated. Whether it’s closed, open, private or out of foster care, adoption means a child is wanting. Wanting more.  Wanting a solid, permanent family.  Wanting information or a sense of their personal history. Wanting connection. National Adoption Awareness Month highlights these issues.

On November 23rd, National Adoption Day, the country makes a push to get more children and teenagers out of the foster care system. In 2018, 4000 children were adopted out of foster care and into permanent homes. My hope is that we surpass that total this November. If we can, fewer children will be left wanting.

Please support National Adoption Month!

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