How Do You Start A Search If You’re Adopted?

So you’re ready.  You’ve decided to search for information about your adoption. I bet you’re nervous and excited.

Get your adoption papers out of the file drawer. Or, get them from your adoptive parents or guardian.

Do you have your birth name? Do you have one or both of your birth parents names?

Did you try plugging the names into search engines, social media, adoption forums and registries?

Did you contact the agency or law firm that handled your adoption? If you’re under the age of 21 you’re going to need your parent or guardian to help you with this.  Sorry. Or you can wait till your 21 to do it on your own. Honestly, this is for your own benefit.

Request all the non-identifying info in your adoption file from the agency that handled your adoption. This is your right.  It may come in handy as you piece together your personal puzzle.

Are you prepared? I highly recommend you are in a good place emotionally when you start your search. Have a support system in place: spouse, parent, friend, therapist, or group at church. Do a lot of reading on adoption(check my website for a reading list under Resources). Keep your expectations realistic.  Being prepared will help soften the disappointments that will come even if you are lucky to make it into reunion with your lost family member. Almost no one finds their birth relatives with one press of the ‘enter’ key.

Did you look up your states adoption laws? Check out American Adoption Congress for info by state. If your state supplies your OBR upon request, go online and complete the documents to be listed on medical records registry (IARMIE in Illinois).  You can obtain a list of adoptee and birth parent rights from the AAR website.

Does your state have a confidential intermediary program? Or an advocacy group to assist you? Often in 1950s, 60s birthmothers were encouraged to use an alias.  You may need a court order to open your sealed adoption records to get the true identity. An intermediary or the original adoption agency can help with this process and facilitate outreach.  

Don’t forget to take a breather, when you need more time at each stage of the search and reunion process.

Fees can hit the wallet hard.  Each time I started a new search, the checkbook balance dipped at least $400.

Genetic testing: Ancestry and 23 n Me are valid options to locate your relatives, if you have legitimate names on your OBR or adoption papers.  DNA testing can provide contacts to family members but without birth parent true identities family lines are difficult to draw.

Genealogy societies can assist.  Find a credible genealogist through the local chapter.  There are lists online. I found my birth father this way.  (More about this in my memoir, due out 2019.)

Online search agencies, private investigators.  An option, but I had little luck with these.

Take a break. Pray. Discern. Forgive. Accept. Try again.  Hire help. Go to group therapy. Try again. Take up knitting. Run a marathon. Count your blessings. Be grateful you’re alive.  Forgive. Accept. Try a new angle. Keep going for support.