Belonging Matters Interview with Julie Ryan McGue

1. Give us an overview of “Belonging Matters: Conversations on Adoption, Family and Kinship” and what motivated you to write this book?

I wrote Belonging Matters to support the adoption community and to create a conversation with those outside the adoption circle so that they might better understand its many layers. I wanted to encourage all readers to ask the questions, who am I and where do I belong?  The essays in Belonging Matters serve as a companion piece to my first memoir Twice a Daughter. The collection explores topics that I briefly mention in the memoir, such as the difficult conversations I encountered with my birth and adoptive mothers, the ramifications of my birth father’s rejection, and the meaningful relationship I enjoyed with my mother-in-law. 

2. What are the central ideas explored in the book?

I think we are all looking for a sense of identity and belonging. Many of us find belonging with the folks we’re related to biologically, but often the people we connect to on the deepest level are not birth relatives. They could be friends, colleagues, or the seatmate on an airplane. In Belonging Matters, I explore my own thoughts on the boundaries of family and kinship, and I share personal stories about my immediate and extended family.

3. How did you approach the structure for “Belonging Matters” to effectively convey its themes and messages? 

The book is divided into three sections: Adoption, Family, and Kinship. The essays within each section fall under those themes. Each is meant to stand alone. I want the reader to be able to turn to any page in the book and peruse something of interest. There are pieces about what an adoptee thinks about when heading off to a family reunion, what to say to people who are being ridiculous, and I include one of the happiest moments in my life. 

4. Can you describe how you compiled the narratives and insights presented in the book?

The collection was compiled over a ten-year period. Each essay deals with aspects of closed adoption, my adoption search and reunion with birth relatives, and stories relating to identity and belonging within my immediate family. The pieces were published either on my blog, in the monthly column I write for my local paper, The Beacher Newspapers, or in anthologies, periodicals, journals, or E-magazine sites.

5. What considerations did you make to ensure that “Belonging Matters” engages both the adoption community and readers unfamiliar with the adoption experience?

People outside the adoption triad often see it as this beautiful thing that happens to childless couples. While it can be beautiful and meaningful, there is an aspect of adoption that is not frequently brought up. Adoption is about loss. Couples who choose to adopt usually have experienced infertility; their loss is the inability to raise a biological child. By placing a child for adoption, birthparents lose the chance to raise their birth daughter or son. Besides not being raised by biological relatives, adoptees often lose connection to their first family and are not given details about family background or medical history.

By writing about my own adoption journey––what it means to be in a closed adoption and an identical twin––I offer the reader an insider’s look into adoption, as well as the joys and pitfalls that occur during the adoption search and reunion process. Being allowed into that experience enables the reader to become more informed and to shift away from any preconceived notions. 

6. In what ways does the book examine the concept of family dynamics? 

Sometimes an adoptive parent doesn’t understand the sensibilities of their adopted child because their genetics don’t tie the two together. When a parent “doesn’t get” their child, family dynamics are challenged. In my case, I grew up with my twin sister, an adopted brother, and three of my parents’ biological children. It was an interesting dynamic, one with its own set of challenges and frustrations, but one my parents managed with equal doses of honesty, fairness, and love. I write much about this in all of my books.

7. How does the book advocate for understanding and empathy towards adoptees? 

Like any experience or unique situation, if we take the time and make the effort to put ourselves in the shoes of others, we glimpse something–– a feeling, an idea, an insight–– that broadens us as discerning adults. In the final essay of “Belonging Matters” I discuss how my participation in an adoption support group enabled me to find empathy, which facilitated healing and personal growth. 

8. “Belonging Matters” appears to be a collection of personal stories and interviews. Could you share how you conducted these interviews and selected the individuals featured in the book?

Besides sharing my own story and personal anecdotes, I wanted to offer the perspectives of others in the adoption world, like birth mothers and adoptive parents. Interviews were conducted in person, but the questions were provided in advance. The stories in the last section of the book feature memories with my immediate family, friends, and community members. As a writer, I enjoy selecting a unique moment, isolating that experience, and drawing meaning from it. Of course, COVID-19 plays a role in a few essays, as do hobbies like walking and writing. 

9. How do you believe the stories in “Belonging Matters” contribute to a broader understanding of adoption and its significance in the lives of those involved?

For a long time, I had shoved my closed adoption into a forbidden place in my mind. Because of health issues, I had to pull out my closed adoption, hold it, and study it. I examined adoption from every angle because this was helpful to me in my healing. I dissected my thoughts about being both adopted and an identical twin, searching and being in reunion, and feeling rejected, shunned, and abandoned by blood relatives. The point I want to make is that I didn’t choose to be adopted. It happened to me. Many people find themselves in situations created by others. Adapting, finding forgiveness, and healing are relevant to many life experiences besides adoption. 

10. Did you experience any personal growth in your understanding of adoption and family dynamics?

I was a reluctant adoption searcher. Had it not been for the breast biopsy I had when I was 48, I might have left my closed adoption secrets well enough alone. But I felt I had an obligation to myself and my four children to access my birth families’ medical history. More than a decade ago, I had no idea that a breast biopsy would be the catalyst for personal growth. Not only did it lead to the discovery of valuable personal information and relationships but working through the complex search and reunion process led me to develop a serious writing practice. 

11. Are there any key takeaways or messages you hope readers will glean from “Belonging Matters”?

Adoption is complicated. Each side of the adoption triad has a unique perspective. Those outside the adoption world may have their opinions about how an adoptee, adoptive parent, or birth parent should behave or feel, but they cannot know. It is only by listening to hear, by asking thoughtful questions, and by trying to put oneself into another’s position that true empathy is possible. When empathy occurs, change is possible. This includes systemic societal change, change within individual mindsets, and change that transforms relationships.

12. What’s next for you as an author? 

Readers who enjoyed my first book, Twice a Daughter, commented that they wanted to learn more about what it was like for me to grow up as a twin and an adoptee within a family made up of both adopted and biological children. In February 2025, I have a new book coming out, called Twice the Family: A Memoir of Love, Loss and Sisterhood. In the meantime, I will continue to write my monthly column for The Beacher Newspapers, as well as publishing blogs at www.juliemcgueauthor.com. 

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