The Didn’t Do List

I am a list maker.

When it comes to crafting to-do lists, I’m a perpetual creator of lists. In a previous post I confessed that I might be somewhere on the OCD spectrum (see That Girl This Life blog on 7/17: “Do Not Roll”), so this latest admission should not come as a surprise to my faithful readers.  In my defense, I suspect that I am but one of a greater sisterhood of list makers, a vast network of mothers and multi-taskers that succeed and prevail in life due to organized lists.

If you are like me, snuggled front and center on your desktop is a hand written to-do list. You might have one in the car too. Mine is ordered in a free form way. Generally, the “do now” stuff is at the top, “do this week” huddles in the middle, and the “do sometime soon” items bring up the rear.  As dusk advances, the number of items I can cross out gives me a certain thrill. The atta-boys I dish out are satisfying, even if I am dishing them out to myself.

Besides the tablet on my desk, I have other lists going (No, I do not have a list of lists!). These nestle inside my computer and include things like a holiday grocery shopping list, a Christmas card list, and a “closing up the lake house” checklist. The list I inspect frequently is my editorial blog calendar. I add and take away topics regularly making note of when I want them posted.  This rolling methodology keeps me from frantically scrolling through my computer files or journals (see my post on 10/10 “Journaling”) for ideas to pen and publish.

And then dear readers, there are the unwritten lists.  Admit it! These needle you too. Some ideas enter your frontal lobe throughout the day, but never make it to a post-it or notepad. Later, as you try to recall what it is you wanted to remember, you are sent into a tailspin.  Sitting in an airport terminal recently, I couldn’t verify that I’d emptied the coffee grinds into the trash before leaving home. Had I checked off this item from some summary of chores, I wouldn’t have made myself crazy with the thought of re-entering my house to the aroma of a moldy coffee filter (it didn’t matter that I forgot—my hero husband remembered).

The most fearsome of the dreaded unwritten lists is the “didn’t do”.  This one addles me when I lay down at night. I mentally go over what I think I should have done that day, but couldn’t get to and knew I should have. My inner critic berates me mercilessly. I wish I could sick Brene Brown (I need to reread Daring Greatly) on those nocturnal demons.

The ‘didn’t do’ list is not only bad for a good self-image it is destructive to a good night sleep. I’m making a concerted effort to stop myself as I slide in that direction, just as I no longer use my teeth to pry open bobby pins (see my post 9/27 called “Chipped Tooth”).  Cleaning up my inner game is a work in progress.  It’s so important, so vital to my well being that I added it to the top of my daily to-do list.  

What’s on your list?

Feel free to share your thoughts on list making, inner critics, or your favorite self pep talk in the comments section.  I’m listening!