How a Medium Informed My Memoir

I explained that I was looking for connection and solace. Cyndi described her process, explaining that she couldn’t guarantee who would come forward or what they would say. “I usually have no idea about the context or meaning of what I’m asked to repeat.”

Our hour together flew by. The information she provided alleviated many of the concerns that had been addling my sleep cycle. The result was that I felt close to my late husband instead of feeling abandoned by him. To my amazement, Cyndi also validated and affirmed other relationships and events in my life. I emerged from the session buoyed and hopeful. The channeling provided a necessary springboard to healing and personal growth.

This got me thinking about my writing and my new book, Twice the Family, A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Sisterhood—a coming-of-age story about growing up as a twin and an adoptee. Several early chapters tested my memory. Despite collaborating with family members, an inner voice grumbled: You’re missing something.

I wondered if some time with Cyndi might provide clarity. Why not?

I booked a session and developed a list of questions. I provided the rudimentary facts: when I was sixteen, my three-year-old sister, Susie, died suddenly from a virus. I wanted to know: if Susie was okay with me writing her story, what, if anything, was off limits, and whether she could provide details related to her death, facts that had eluded my family and me for fifty years. A tall order. But one I deemed vital to publishing a memoir based on real life events.

First, Cyndi did what she had done in prior sessions. She validated my sister’s presence and affirmed details I had deliberately withheld.

As the session started, I watched Cyndi’s eyes close.

She whispered, “Your sister does want you to tell her story. She needs you to do it.”

Goosebumps popped up on my arms and legs.

Cyndi’s eyes opened and held mine. “Telling the events surrounding her death will help your mom heal in a way she hasn’t been able to. But …”

I hunched closer to the computer screen.

“There’s something you don’t know. Hold on.”

Cyndi’s chin dropped to her chest. It whipped up a second later, her eyes wide. “She wants you to ask your mom about the police.”

I gulped. “The police?”

She nodded. “Yes, the police.” She hesitated as if waiting for Susie’s voice to finish speaking. Then she shook her dark-haired head. “I’m afraid that’s it. All she will say.”

Never in all the decades of honoring my late sister’s birthday and day of death had my parents mentioned the police. Was this a hoax, a wild goose chase that would make me look like a nut job, or a long-held family secret I must probe?

Tread lightly, my inner voice cautioned.

When I called my mother and set a date to take her out for dinner, I didn’t mention the medium or her message. I thought a nice dinner—and perhaps a glass of chardonnay or two—would soften my ninety-year-old mother’s reserve and loosen the tight hold on her memory.

Before our entrees arrived, I mentioned that in editing the chapters about Susie in my book, some questions had arisen. I set my wine glass down and stared into my mother’s saucer-like brown eyes.

“When Susie died, were the police involved?”

Mom flinched, folding and refolding her napkin. “After the doctors worked on Susie in the ER, and it was clear she had passed, two detectives came around to question me.”

“Detectives? What did they want?”

Her lips became a thin pale line. Several seconds passed before she looked back at me…

Mom went on to reveal shocking details straight out of a movie script. Details surrounding my sister’s death that my siblings and I had never heard.

The scene my mother revealed over dinner that night is described in full in my memoir Twice the Family. Unearthing Mom’s secret added tension and conflict at a crucial point and information that made the story much better. And I credit that nagging inner voice—my intuition—and my openness to the service a medium provided in revealing what I did not or could not know.

Whether you are skeptical of mediums and channeling or do not believe in an afterlife, is, for me, beside the point. As a memoirist, you must be determined to navigate unruly paths, go to great lengths, and use all the tools at your disposal to squeeze out the essence of your story. We owe this to ourselves as reliable narrators, and we owe it to our readers.

BOOK AWARD NEWS

Jack and Lulu Go to the Tree Farm is a Winner!

First Place Award in Nonfiction-Relationships-Family category

Follow Me Here

On October 19, Thanks to Jed Doherty for having me on his podcast, Reading with Your Kids. We had a blast discussing all things books, especially my kids’ book series, Let’s Go With Lulu. The show will air in January, link forthcoming. 

October 21, JoAnn Dickinson, host of Beyond the Book podcast also had me guest on her show to discuss my foray into the children’s book market. The episode will air in late in November. Link forthcoming. 

November 2, James Lott will host me on his podcast, In Between the Pages, and we will discuss all things writing.

November 2-30, I will be participating in Deb Landwehr Engle’s month-long course at Story Summit called The Writer’s Miracle Method which is based on Deb’s hot new release by the same title. 

November 6-7, I’ll be attending the Adoption Affiliates Network virtual conference which will open with a keynote address by Dr. Abby Hasberry, followed by engaging panel discussions exploring topics that matter across the adoption constellation. 

November 19, thrilled to be a panelist for the She Writes Press C.A.M.P community when we gather with an expert from netGalley to discuss the importance of book reviews. 

March 8 – 12, 2027: I will attend the Her Spirit women’s writing retreat put on by Story Summit in Tucson, Arizona at El Conquistador Tucson, A Hilton Resort. 

Follow Julie by visiting her website, subscribe to her bimonthly newsletters, and listen to previous podcast recordings where she discusses topics like adoption, identity, family relationships, sisterhood and belonging.

PUBLISHING NEWS

Spring of 2027: I’m pleased to announce that Book 2 in my Let’s Go with Lulu children’s book series, Lulu and DJ Go to the Car Wash, will release next spring with Atmosphere Press. It’s based on the real-life story about adventures with my oldest grandson during the COVID era.​ Book 1: Jack and Lulu Go to the Tree Farm will also be moving over to Atmosphere Press very soon. I’m excited that the entire series will be under one publishing umbrella.

 November 2027: My re-envisioned essay collection, Belonging Matters: Conversations on Adoption, Family, and Kinship, will be re-published by She Writes Press. I’m thrilled to move this work under the same publishing umbrella that offers my award-winning memoirs: Twice a Daughter, and Twice the Family.

Don’t miss a blog post!

Receive my blog posts directly to your inbox.