A Hug Has Healing Power​

As I write this, I sit with a mug of ginger tea and honey, and my neck is draped with what my family has come to call “the warm hug.” I bought this lavender infused neck cushion long ago from a boutique specializing in aromatherapy products. One minute in the microwave activates the internal blend of soothing scents and magic beads. When my family is in town, “the warm hug” circulates among our members almost as quickly as a nice bottle of wine. 

For me, “the warm hug” is not simply about soothing stiff neck and back muscles. It is part of a morning habit, one that settles my soul and readies me for whatever the day provides. In ruminating about the value of a warm hug, I unearthed some notable facts.

Experts say that the simple act of hugging releases oxytocin, known as a ‘bonding hormone.’  Studies have shown that oxytocin lowers blood pressure and heart rates. Hugging boosts the immune system, alleviates stress, and releases endorphins. Some studies revealed that ‘IQ development is delayed in children who don’t receive hugs’.

Virginia Satir, a family therapist and author, put it this way:

• We need 4 hugs a day for survival.
• We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.
• We need 12 hugs a day for growth.

Besides the physical health benefits of hugging, the act of putting your arms around someone and pulling them in close does more than create bonding. It can build trust, a sense of safety, and alleviate loneliness. Opening your heart to another in this way is also a step towards improving communication and building relationship.

This information has gotten me thinking about a time when I gave and received a hug that benefitted me in a unique and meaningful way. The encirclement that comes to mind wasn’t about amour. It wasn’t congratulatory, apologetic, or obligatory. This embrace was about connecting on the deepest level. The result was a primal wound healed. It created bonding and set a yearned for relationship on an important trajectory. The hug I’m focused on changed my life.

Here’s an excerpt from my memoir, Twice a Daughter, where I describe the first hug I received from my biological mother on the day when my twin sister and I met her for the first time: 

Jenny grins at me, and we glide toward the hotel entrance. Our feet move, but our eyes are glued to our “first mother.” I’m determined not to blink for fear that this scene will vanish like a mirage….

Shoulder to shoulder, Jenny and I stand a few feet from the revolving door. Riveted here, I eye my twin. Her face glows with the anticipation of a child unwrapping a marvelous surprise. A gentle smile plays on her lips, and I assume that this is what my face looks like, too. In seconds, we’ll be gazing into the face of the woman we’ve been trying to find for three years. The thrill of it is numbing….

As soon as Shirley enters the hotel lobby, Jenny and I encircle her, the length of our long arms pressing her in close to our hearts. Within our embrace, Shirley peers up into our faces. Instead of the emotional sobs that I’d expected, the three of us beam. Our smiles are sparkly and broad, full of joy and wonder and expectation and promise.

Because the season of love (as prescribed by the card industry), i.e., Valentine’s Day, is almost upon us, I offer a suggestion. 

Buy the cards, candies, and flowers if you must, but don’t let those efforts be a substitute for a warm cuddle with someone you care about. Such an embrace has the power to benefit both of you emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And the healing qualities it offers are free of charge.

“I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words.”
– Ann Hood

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