Adoptee’s Take on Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

Once I began Honeyman’s book, I couldn’t put it down. A couple of days into the reading period, I began to feel that something was wrong with me.  Why was I so easily rattled? I hadn’t drunk too much coffee, and I’d done my mediation and yoga. Why were tears pooling at the corners of my sunglasses? Why did I want to plop down in a beach chair, memorize the pattern of the waves, follow the birds’ frantic dives for fish? I was stuck.  I wanted to zone out. I was emotional. There was no other explanation. It was the book.

I came to realize that Eleanor Oliphant had not just hit a nerve with me; it had peeled back my skin and exposed a network of issues I dislike dwelling upon. Like Eleanor, once shelved thoughts filtered to the forefront, I couldn’t persuade them to fade away.  As I followed Eleanor’s character arc, I was reminded of my own struggle as an adoptee in search of a hidden past and why I was compelled to write about it. The novel forced me to remember the rampant mistakes I uncovered in my adoption story, the various paths I ventured down as I exercised my right to information, and the spotty show of support from my adoptive mother.

Eleanor Oliphant also reminded me of the mistruths I uncovered in my adoption search, the rejections I encountered, and the sense of belonging I struggled to secure. I was only able to conquer those issues with the support and love of others.

Once Eleanor Oliphant realizes she is loved and valued, she soars to the truths that had held back in moving on in her life.  She survives unspeakable ordeals, an abusive mother, and the trials of a laborious foster care network. The reader can’t help but marvel at Eleanor’s coping skills, an impressive resiliency, and the abundant hope residing in her core. Honeyman’s work is fiction, but there is truth on every page.

Like Eleanor, I am at the end of my search for my ‘personal story’ (a term adoptees use to mean any detail about the life that they had before they were adopted).  I have learned to live with being adopted, just as Eleanor accepts her lot in life. The character of Eleanor Oliphant mimics the pain, forgiveness, and acceptance with which many adoptees and foster care kids grapple. At the novel’s close, Eleanor is a work in progress.  Aren’t we all?

Reading Gail Honeyman’s novel was a highlight on my summer reading list. It is a riveting tale with many lessons for all of us, but elements of it can hit hard for victims of abuse, and members of the foster care and adoption systems.  Eleanor Oliphant is to be digested slowly for what it will awaken in the reader’s psyche.