An Interview with author Jean Kelly Widner
“Chosen, Special, and Wanted”
Jean Kelly Widner
Author
Until last month, Jean Kelly Widner and I had never met in person, however we had been keenly aware of each other’s work through the tangled web that is the adoption authors’ world. I witnessed her smiling face firsthand while working the Adoptee Authors Booth at the Tucson Festival of books in March (see my post about the experience, here). As I learned more about her story that weekend, we scheduled this interview to precede her May book launch.
Can you tell my readers a little about yourself?
I was born in 1965 in a Salvation Army Hospital located in Spokane, WA and was adopted at about two months of age. My adoptive dad was a school psychologist and my mother a registered nurse. I was an only child and indoctrinated into the loving adoption mantra of that era: chosen, special and wanted.
My adoptive mother unfortunately was addicted to prescription drugs and alcohol. So, this made some aspects of my childhood complicated, and it affected me growing up at least as much as my being adopted. But of course, I had convinced myself that adoption never affected me! Now, I see the truth through much clearer eyes.
How would you describe the story you tell in your book?
I tell my story, at least somewhat. Because after reading The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler I knew that I wanted to tell others’ stories too. I was also fascinated with the idea of doing a deep dive into the viewpoints from all sides of the adoption constellation. So, that’s what I did in this book.
Can you share about your publishing journey?
I wanted a traditional publisher and to pass the muster of that vetting process. I also wanted this to be a book that professional therapists and such could have on their shelves and be able to recommend to others, including their patients.
My book titled, The Adoption Paradox, will be published by Ink & Quill, a non-fiction division of Mystic Publishers, located in the Las Vegas area. It will be available in paperback, hardback and Kindle initially, with an audio version to follow. May 20 is the expected publication date.
What prompted you to write and publish this book now?
The writing and publishing process has been the most important and moving experience of my life. Reaching this goal and bringing it to fruition has made me grateful, proud, humble, and very affirming personally.
I got the idea in late 2021 after finally starting my search for my birth family. I observed an internal awakening. All of the complexity of my adoption and the emotion surrounding it brimmed to the surface really for the first time in my life. Then, I read The Girls Who Went Away, and I knew what I wanted to do. To write about the whole triad of experiences.
How did you choose the book’s title?
I first started with something like “Stories of Adoption” or some other mealy-mouthed word. But then a friend and author I trust went – nope too boring! So, I pondered more deeply what I was exploring and “Paradox” leapt into my brain. From then on, The Adoption Paradox, was it.
What are the key issues to which you wanted to draw attention?
As mentioned, I was drawn to adoption research combined with the power of personal stories. When I started exploring the topic, I did not have an agenda. I just went where the research led me. It surprised me, over and over again, how frankly messed up we’ve made adoption in this country. We have outdated modes and belief systems that perpetuate processes that I don’t feel honor the needs of modern adoptees or their families. I fear we’re failing so many people and families by being unwilling to look at all these issues.
Were there any characters, scenes, or chapters that were difficult to write about?
In a few words – abuse and foster care. We fail there, so very badly.
What do you hope readers take away from your story?
That adoption is far more complex and nuanced than most people understand. Adoptees and adoptive families need better support, and we should have healthier and more holistic approaches to child welfare in general. We are literally practicing adoptions in the same way today that were done when the first formal statues were created a century ago. Failing to evolve our understanding of both adoptions’ possibilities and its consequences is affecting our larger society, whether we understand that or not.
When did you begin writing this book and where did you do most of your writing?
I got seriously started in the spring of 2022 and finished in early 2025. I have an office space separate from the house. It’s my haven. A messy one at times I must admit, but it’s MINE ALL MINE! ☺ I had to fit in all my writing time around my day job, one that pays the bills. While I’m lucky in that I am self-employed, I couldn’t take time off work to write. So, I got up every workday morning at 5 am and wrote until 8 and then started my other day. Weekends always were spent writing as well. I’d like to say I had that cool mood music, lit candles…. but nah. I just pressed and worked. My laptop feels like an extension of me. I rarely hand write.
What was your greatest challenge and satisfaction in publishing this book?
Challenges were keeping some semblance of a life. Satisfactions – everything. The people I met and interviewed. The process, the sense of accomplishment when I knew I’d put something solid down on the page. Getting the endorsement of other readers.
Is there anything you would have done differently, either in the research, writing or publication process?
Not that I can think of right now.
Which authors inspire you?
Kristen Hannah, Cheryl Strayed, James McBride, Edward Abbey, Dr. Edith Egar to name a few.
What 3 tips do you have for aspiring women looking to write their first book?
- Find your heart and write it, lean in, no matter where it takes you.
- Make the time.
- Never give up. Never give up. Never give up.
Other works you have published? What are you working on next?
I have a few small things out there. Nothing next yet (my husband would not be happy!).
Anything you would like to add?
Thank you!!! All of us in the adoption community helping each other is among the best things for us all.
More About Jean Widner:
Jean is a domestic adoptee born in 1965 and raised in Washington State. After having a mostly positive adoption experience growing up, she now shares her story, as it continues to evolve navigating adoption’s complexities. Jean is a marketing consultant and joint venture affiliate marketing expert. She, along with her husband, have built and sold two e-commerce companies. She is the owner of a local news and information blog in her small town, which expanded her love of storytelling and writing. Jean is also a member of a local Rotary Club and volunteers with the Adoption Knowledge Affiliates organization. She currently lives in Southern Nevada with her husband and two dogs.
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Julie McGue
Author
April 29 from 1:30-2:30 ET Julie will teach a webinar for the Author Learning Center, titled “How to Write Memoir That Reads Like Fiction.” You can sign up, here.
May 12: Julie will be a featured speaker at Cleveland Adoption Network Monday Evening Speaker Series from 8-9 ET. Sign up via the website, here.
May 24: Twice the Family is the “Book of the Day” at the OnlineBookClub.com.
June 18: Julie has been invited back to the Pottawatomie CC Book Club in Michigan City, IN at 6 PM CT to discuss her recent release, Twice the Family.
Aug. 13: Julie will join the Adoption Knowledge Affiliates Book Club at 7 PM CT to discuss Twice the Family.
Aug. 24-28: Julie will attend the HerSpirit Writing Retreat at the Chaminade Resort & Spa in Santa Cruz, CA organized by StorySummit.
If you missed Julie’s participation in the virtual author panel: Inside the Adoption Experience on 3/11, you can listen to the recording here.
Follow Julie by visiting her website, subscribe to her bimonthly newsletters, and listen to previous podcast recordings where she discusses topics like adoption, identity, family relationships, sisterhood and belonging.
“Failing to evolve our understanding of both adoptions’ possibilities and its consequences is affecting our larger society, whether we understand that or not.”
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