Birth Mothers

Have Their Own Day

Julie McGue

Author

Mother’s Day, traditionally celebrated on the second Sunday in May, is fast approaching. Did you know that National Birth Mother’s Day is celebrated each year on the day before Mother’s Day? As is the case with most of the occasions designated as national days, this was not on my radar until about five years ago, when I was thick into the search for my birth mother.

A group of adult adoptees and I were gathered in a conference room with our Catholic Charities post-adoption social worker. As our moderator, she not only facilitated our quarterly discussions centering on our adoption searches, she was active in connecting many of us with our birth relatives. The typical three-hour sessions held a simple agenda: an ice breaker, go around the table and state your name, whether you are an adoptee or birth parent, and then describe which stage of search and reunion you currently reside in.

For all of us gathered, these sessions bled emotion. Adoptees and birth parents shared their joy at finding parents, siblings and children that looked and acted like them. While pictures of their found families circulated, those of us still searching secretly hoped that we could be them, or that at the next meeting we would be them- glowing with the knowledge of adoption’s secrets, and the joy of life coming full circle. The heartache of the rest who were disconnected, rejected and lingering in the limbo as they waited for birth relatives to return letters, phone calls, emails were the hardest tales to hear. As draining as these marathon meetings were, they were ripe with takeaway and crucial advice.

It was at one of these post-adoption counseling sessions that I learned from one of my fellow adoptees how to best honor both of my mothers. (Of note is that I wasn’t in reunion with my birth mother yet, and hadn’t even thought about the logistics of toasting two mothers on the traditional Mother’s Day.) My cohort shared that while he presented both his mothers a card to commemorate the national day, he celebrated with each uniquely on back-to-back days. He called his birth mom on Saturday and his adoptive mother on Sunday. In separating how he expressed his gratitude to his mothers, he gave each one the honor and appreciation due. Much later, I became aware of the national designation for Birth Mother’s Day.

This Saturday is National Birth Mother’s Day and while this holiday isn’t well known, it’s a very important day for those who have been touched by adoption. Along with thousands and thousands of adoptees everywhere, on Saturday I will recognize my birth mother for giving me life. I will honor my adoptive mother on Sunday for her contribution in giving me the life I have led. Two special days for two very special women.

“I will honor my adoptive mother on Sunday for her contribution in giving me the life I have led.”

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