Conversation Matters

November is designated as National Adoption Awareness Month. This year’s theme is Conversation Matters. 

It was President Reagan who proclaimed the first National Adoption Week. And in 1996, President Clinton expanded adoption awareness from a week to an entire month. 

The purpose of National Adoption Month is to:

• • • increase awareness about the number of children in the foster care system who are still waiting for permanent homes 
    • to provide education about the many types and benefits of adoption
    • to call attention to the many misconceptions surrounding adoption
    • to advocate for adoptees who continue to face restricted access to their biological backgrounds and birth records due to rigid state adoption statutes.

Adoption is all around us. There is an estimated 6-8 million people in this country who were adopted as children. Most of us know someone – a friend, family member, neighbor – who has adopted a child, was adopted themselves, or who made an adoption plan for a biological child. 

To connect in a meaningful way with family and community members touched by adoption, we need to be adequately informed. Conversation does matter. And in interacting with the adoption world, it is vital that we listen, let the speakers be heard, and leave our judgments at the door. Each situation is different. While there is much joy that results from adoption, inherent in the adoption experience is loss. 

During the month of November, I will post essays from different voices in the adoption community. You will hear from advocates, adoptees, adoptive parents, birth parents and social workers, people whose unique perspective will create a deeper awareness and understanding about adoption.   

To bolster adoption awareness, there are many great books, TV shows, podcasts, and documentaries to take advantage of. Now is an opportune time to tune in and educate yourself. So, grab your favorite snack and beverage. Settle into your favorite chair and take advantage of the resources listed below.

Shows with Adoption-related themes:

Grey’s Anatomy is ABC’s longest running series and was the brainchild of adoptive mom, Shonda Rhimes. The show follows the medical staff at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. During its15 seasons, viewers experienced birth mothers who made an adoption plan, parents who adopted children, and adoptees who learned as a child or an adult that they were adopted.

This is Us, now in season 4, follows the story of the Pearson family. Rebecca and Jack Pearson lost one of their triplets during childbirth and decide to adopt their son Randall, a newborn who was left at a fire station. The show does an excellent job in portraying transracial adoption.

Modern Family, the critically acclaimed ABC comedy, follows the lives of four families within one extended family. In the pilot episode, Mitchell, and his partner, Cameron, travel to Vietnam to adopt a baby girl. The series addresses some typical conversations that arise from international adoption and adoption by a same sex couple.

Found is a Netflix documentary which premiered on Oct. 20. It chronicles the efforts of three Chinese American young women searching for their identity and history. Chloe is raised in a Jewish family; Sadie is living in Nashville; and Lily is in Oklahoma City.

Ordinary Joe is in its first season on NBC. This drama’s fundamental premise is that a single decision sets the course for the rest of a person’s life. The main character Joe learns later in life that he fathered a child with his twentysomething girlfriend. Her choice, to tell or not to tell Joe about their child, consumes two of three alternative lives that Joe leads.

Three Identical Strangers is a documentary released in 2018 and was directed by Tim Wardle. It is a true account about the lives of Edward Galland, David Kellman, and Robert Shafran, a set of identical triplet brothers adopted as infants by separate families. Fascinating and disturbing.

Favorite Adoption-related Reads:

Nicole Chung, All You Can Ever Know

Ann Fessler, The Girls Who Went Away

Gabrielle Glaser, American Baby

Betty Jean Lifton, Lost & Found

Lisa Wingate, Before We Were Yours, Before & After

Nancy Verrier, The Primal Wound

Great Adoption-related Podcasts:

The Forgotten Podcast aims to support the foster care community.

Adoptees On Podcast where adoptees discuss the adoption experience. 

Sex, Lies & The Truth Podcast:  A therapist and genealogical investigator narrate interviews with real people about their experiences with shocking DNA revelations

 The Honestly Adoption Podcast with Mike and Kristin Berry delivers weekly insights and strategies to help you thrive as a parent.

 Foster The Family | Real Mom Podcast One mom’s light-hearted musings and heavier broodings on family, foster care, & adoption.

The Adoption Connection | Podcast by and for Adoptive Moms is for the adoptive mom looking for hope, practical tools and friends who understand.

Who Am I Really? Podcast shares the journeys of adoptees who have searched for and found members of their biological family.

And finally, here’s an impactful excerpt from The White House Press Release proclaiming November as National Adoption Month.

This National Adoption Month, we celebrate the families who have been forged through adoption, including from foster care.  We extend our gratitude to the dedicated professionals who work tirelessly to support adoptive families through compassion and hard work and to the foster families who love, care, and provide for our Nation’s foster youth. Most importantly, we acknowledge the strength and resiliency of the children and youth who are still waiting to find their forever homes. 

During the month of November, I hope you make all your “Conversations Matter” by being informed about the issues, listening well, and being open to a discussion where viewpoints differ. By communicating effectively and coherently, change is possible. From there, we have the potential to positively impact the lives of others.

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