How to Deal With Negative Thoughts?

*Dear Reader, please reflect on your own experiences and share in the comments section following this post.

All week, I’ve been puzzling about how to deal with a troubling situation.  A comment someone offered to me at a social gathering didn’t sit well. The words had felt scolding, made reference to something that had happened over the summer, and the point she was trying to make flew right over the roots of my graying bob.   I’d been so bewildered by the one-sided dialogue, that I just nodded my head and got out of her way.

For two days, I’ve mentally replayed the exchange hoping that I’ll pick up a clue that will provide enlightenment.  The conversation just won’t leave me. I think about it while taking a shower, before falling asleep, in the middle of the night when I reach for a glass of water, and even in the midst of a well-deserved shavasana.  

While my mind has not located the snagged thread of this social situation, the scenario has posed something else to consider. How does one eradicate negative thought?

In talking to my spouse about this, he had two reactions: just call the person and play the conversation back to them, be direct, ask what the point was she was trying to make.  This is a very direct approach. I might go so far as to say it is more confrontational than I want to be or that the situation calls for. After my husband offered his take, he poured me a glass of my favorite red wine and pulled me out to the veranda to watch the sunset.  

In talking to my daughter about my experience, her advice was that I was probably overthinking the whole thing.  Since the woman walked off satisfied, and in fact was extremely pleasant throughout the rest of the social event, the deed was dead and done.  The advice of one of my favorite thirty-somethings was to go for a run. Well I haven’t jogged in several years, so I went for a long walk. Upon returning home, I did a meditation during which I fell asleep.  I needed the nap, especially after waking up at 2am, 5am, and taking an hour and a half walk. I felt better.

A dear old friend called to catch up, and of course, we landed on this topic of ridding negative emotions.  When my pal can’t get something to stop running along in the ticker tape of her mind, she gets to work. Meaning, she cleans the fridge, the pantry, or a closet or two.  When something is really bothering her, she attacks the garage.  Her husband knows to give her a wide berth when he spots her piling stuff in the driveway.  After we laughed at our selves she reminded me what we used to do in graduate school to deal with stressors.  We pigged out on pizza, guacamole or chips, and heavenly hash ice cream. I said I’d rather go splurge on a new pair of shoes or a new shirt than eat all that sugar.  She declared that food was cheaper, but vent on social media is a real no-no. Hadn’t thought of that, but that’s not my gig anyway.

Over the weekend, I also had cause to talk to my sister. I couldn’t help but dredge up my negative scenario. My sister is honest and no stranger to vulnerability.  She also knows people and deals with all types of clients in her business. First, my sister offered that the individual in question had not been coming from a place of love and compassion. When you’re dealing with an angry sort, best to let them vent, diffuse the anger, provide validation or offer a solution then close it out in a positive manner.  She affirmed that it sounded like I did just that. I liked my sister’s summary, but I still had lingering angst.

Shortly after I hung up on my sister, my mother called.  Mom is very intuitive, and asked right away what was troubling me.  I gave her a whittled down version. Pray for this person, that their inner anger will resolve, Mom proclaimed.  Over time, she said, you will forgive, forget and move on. Mom is wise and she has forgiven a lot worse than an attacking female at a cocktail party.  

It’s Monday, the demons loosened sometime over the weekend.  I’m not certain if it was all the friendly advice, the wine and sunset, the memories of pigouts and younger days with different struggles, but I do feel peaceful.  I spent time on myself today. I played the piano, held my grandson, sat outside and watched the birds, and wrote this blog. Mom probably had the best advice for me this time: forgive, forget and move on.

What do you think?  Please share!