Musings on Motherhood, Loss and Legacy

For many of us, the observance of Mother’s Day this past weekend was complicated. Spousal loss, mother loss, child or sibling loss, and the push/pull of continued fractured relationships can make observing the national holiday bittersweet. While some of those losses cast a shadow over the day for me, it is the duality of having two mothers due to adoption that challenges me each year. 

On a different front, besides rejoicing in my roles as daughter, mother and grandmother, I celebrated another milestone on Mother’s Day.

Four years ago, my debut memoir, Twice a Daughter, A Search for Identity, Family, and Belonging (May 11, 2021, She Writes Press) made its way into the world. The book, which is a story about how my twin sister and I researched our closed adoption, connecting with birth relatives, launched on the heels of Mother’s Day. The release tied in seamlessly with the book’s content and themes: adoption, motherhood, and mother-daughter relationships. 

Since its publication, Twice a Daughter has resonated with those within and outside the adoption world. It has received countless awards and prestigious accolades, including 1200+ Amazon ratings. With the release of my collection of essays, Belonging Matters in Nov. 2023, and Twice the Family in Feb. 2025, I have been fortunate to speak on numerous podcasts and to Book Clubs about the mother-daughter relationship, adoption, and the search for identity and belonging. 

One of the questions frequently asked is, “How has writing and publishing influenced your life?” 

When Twice a Daughter came out, I had no idea about the far-reaching effect of my story. My intent in publishing was to craft a personal narrative that informed and inspired those within and outside the adoption world. Now, as I move through the next phase of life, beyond adoption search and reunion, to one that includes being a widow, my writing goals remain unchanged. Understanding my adoption journey, navigating the difficult landscape that is both an adoptive and birth daughter, and the travails of widowhood, will continue to color my writing. My hope is that the words I select surrounding those topics will hold readers.

But that is only one part of the full answer as to what writing has done and continues to do for me.

The very wise and talented American author Joan Didion is credited with saying, “I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking…” In that statement is an essential challenge for all of us. 

Whether you are a published author, a committed journaler, or muser of deep thoughts, we owe it to ourselves to write. For writing, whether it is for the purposes of publication or personal use, has the power to heal us in unimagined ways. 

On Monday, May 12, I had the privilege to speak to “my people,” the adoption constellation at Cleveland Adoption Network. My topic was From Loss to Legacy: Healing from Adoption Loss and Finding Identity and Belonging through Storytelling. I spoke about how adoption carries hidden layers of shame, loss, betrayal, stigma, and rejection. I revealed that by writing about my adoption journey and bringing my thoughts and feelings to light, I offered myself a path to healing, self-understanding, and the reclamation of the identity I lost through adoption. 

As a newish widow, I’m applying the tools I’ve honed—self-reflection and writing—to navigate through a different kind of grief and loss, to the next chapter of my life. 

And so, I encourage you, dear reader, to pick up a pen and start a journal, and craft your own personal narrative, one that will benefit yourself, those close to you, and even those experiencing the unique losses and traumas that life has heaped upon you. The benefits will astound you. 

If you are uncertain how to begin, I recommend Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. You can also find a basic list of alternatives at www.thecreativelife.net.  

Follow Me Here

May 12: Julie will be a featured speaker at Cleveland Adoption Network Monday Evening Speaker Series from 8-9 ET. Sign up via the website, here. 

May 24: Twice the Family is the “Book of the Day” on the OnlineBookClub.com. 

June 18: Julie has been invited back to the Pottawatomie CC Book Club in Michigan City, IN at 6 PM CT to discuss her recent release, Twice the Family.

Aug. 13: Julie will join the Adoption Knowledge Affiliates Book Club at 7 PM CT to discuss Twice the Family.

Aug. 24-28: Julie will attend the HerSpirit Writing Retreat at the Chaminade Resort & Spa in Santa Cruz, CA organized by StorySummit.

If you missed Julie’s participation in the virtual author panel: Inside the Adoption Experience on 3/11, you can listen to the recording here.

Follow Julie by visiting her website, subscribe to her bimonthly newsletters, and listen to previous podcast recordings where she discusses topics like adoption, identity, family relationships, sisterhood and belonging.

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