Part of My Adoption Experience is Being A Twin

When I talk to my biological full sister on the phone, it’s like listening to my own voicemail recording. Besides sounding alike, we have the same laugh.  It begins as a low giggle then rumbles into a contagious soprano. The similarities don’t stop there. We both have fine light brown hair and hazel eyes defined by narrow, arched eyebrows.  Tall and thin as young girls, we never deviated more than a half an inch apart in height. She and I communicate best in person with: an eye roll, a lifted eyebrow, a heads tilt, pursed lips, hand gestures and spine straightening.  We are almost always in synch.

My twin and I have been together since before we were born, before we were adopted, and before we joined our parents in the life they made for us.  That single fact makes being adopted a different equation for my sister and I. Like other adoptees, we’ve always been curious about where we came from, why we were adopted and who we take after physically. By going through life with a sibling you are aligned with in looks, thought, habits and deeds, the sharp edges of adoption might be a little softer.  I would even venture to say that adoptees with siblings in their adoptive family, who are also adopted, might have a similar and special bond.

When I had a significant health issue several years ago, my twin got a free pass physically, but was nonetheless immersed in my situation.  That medical scare was the impetus for us to dig into on our closed adoption. Suddenly our medical history mattered not only for us, but also for our kids.  The right to our health history, our genealogy, and our personal story became a fight we decided to wage together. We battled to gain our original birth records, to find a search avenue that was effective, to right the misinformation and mistruths in our adoption file.  Aligned, we dealt with the concerns of our adoptive parents and navigated through the determined silence of our birthmother and birthfather. We were bound to our cause physically, mentally, and emotionally. Something most adoptees searching for personal history do not always has the luxury of tapping into, unless the adoptive parents are committed to their cause.

Search and reunion with birth relatives is complex and overwhelming for most adoptees. For me, attacking my closed adoption was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but also the most satisfying. The battle of attaining documents and forging contact with reluctant birth relatives is not for the weak and weary.  A good support system is vital, and the relationships with other loved ones are taxed as a result. My sister and I both had stakes in the fight for information and supported one another without question. This eased the emotional burden our search and reunions put on both our families.

The process of making contact and deriving the information to complete our personal story was lengthy. We encountered numerous obstacles, and because of our bond, we never waivered in the commitment to pursue all avenues. We collaborated, commiserated and supported in the eye of disappointment and loss. Just hearing her voice was often all I needed to be convinced to press on.  I wish that all adoptees could have a sibling or brother that could by the very nature of their relationship ease the complex burden that adoptees carry within them everyday.

Being adopted, searching for birth relatives, managing reunion are taxing events for all adoptees. I can’t imagine not being adopted and not being a twin.  I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if Catholic Charities would have separated the two of us. For me, I couldn’t have dealt with any of it without my sister.  She is one of the blessings in my being adopted.