How to cope when the Holiday season bogs you down.

Mid-November, around the same time a batch of Black Friday deals wormed into my inbox, a familiar ache coursed through my neck and shoulders. At first, I blamed the discomfort on too much computer work, but deep down I knew the real culprit: the holidays were coming. 

My mind wouldn’t stop ping-ponging. Travel. Holiday decorating. Family events to plan, social gatherings to attend, and the never-ending gift list.

The holidays are a special time of year, but for many of us, they are a tipping point. A mere glance at holiday lights or the opening chords from a Christmas carol can usher in memories, like thoughts of loved ones who are no longer in our lives. Some folks feel bad about the gifts they want to buy but can’t afford due to economic challenges. And many people avoid family functions altogether because of difficult relatives in attendance. 

Suppressed feelings like inadequacy, vulnerability, and loneliness often invade the joy we want to feel during The Season of Joy. Many experts offer tips for coping with the stress of the holidays.

The Mayo Clinic offers this advice: 

• Acknowledge your feelings–it’s normal to feel sadness and grief. 
• Reach out for support if you feel lonely or isolated. 
• Be realistic about expectations and open to creating new traditions. 
• Set aside differences and accept family members and friends for who they are. 

Social worker Sharon Martin offers several guides about staying mentally healthy during the holidays. Here’s a few tips that resonated with me:

Maintain a routine

A routine makes it easier to continue healthy habits such as going to bed on time, exercising, and taking medications. Try to ground yourself with one or two key elements from your usual healthy routine. 

Don’t be afraid to say “No”

Try saying “no” to things that you’re not interested in doing or don’t have the time, energy, or money to do. Most people will understand that you have limits and priorities, especially when you decline in a direct and kind manner.

Find ways to deal with loneliness

Loneliness is magnified during the holidays, especially if you don’t have family or friends to spend them with or you’re missing a loved one due to death or distance. To ease the pain, volunteer or get involved in the community, or create new rituals that give you opportunities for reflection and creative pursuits.

Spend time doing activities that bring you joy

Spend a few minutes thinking about what you enjoy most about the holidays (knowing that sometimes that means saying no to the activities that drain you). Consider activities such as: baking, decorating, attending religious services or a holiday music festival, volunteering, donating food or gifts. 

All things in moderation

It’s easy to overindulge in sugary treats, alcohol, and late nights during the holiday season, but doing so can leave us exhausted, irritable, and guilt-ridden. Try to enjoy things in moderation to stay feeling your best.

Connect with supportive people

Many people feel obligated to spend time with unsupportive family members during the holidays. Try to minimize your time with difficult or toxic people and spend time with positive people to help buffer the negative impact. While face-to-face time may be ideal, phone calls and texts work, too. 

Let go of perfection

The holidays are filled with expectations both for us and for others. When we expect perfection, we’re bound to be disappointed. Set more realistic expectations and extend compassion to yourself or others when mistakes happen, or people show up imperfectly. 

Appreciate the little things

It’s easy to take the positives in our lives for granted; we all have lots to be thankful for if we train ourselves to look for what we have rather than what’s lacking. A simple way to do this is to identify three things you’re grateful for each day. 

Wherever you spend the holidays and with whomever you gather, I hope that The Season of Joy is meaningful, and that the biggest gift you continue to enjoy is health and wellness.

*this post originally appeared on my website in Dec. 2022*

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So proud to report Julie’s new book, Belonging Matters: Conversations on Adoption, Family & Kinship, which released on 11/1/23, became a Barnes & Noble Bestseller in mid-December 2023. 

Belonging Matters: Conversations on Adoption, Family & Kinship, was also awarded a Silver Medal in the Nonfiction Book Awards by the Nonfiction Author’s Association. Belonging Matters is featured in the Award Winners section of the Nonfiction Authors Association site AND the new Nonfiction Book Club site. 

Here’s the review:

This was an interesting book about the long-term effects of adoption on adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents. It is written with a positive view toward adoption, while addressing issues of grief, lack of a sense of belonging, and the pain caused by closed adoptions. I recommend this book to anyone who is a part of an adoption triad.

Thank you to Hiraeth Hope & Healing Book Club for hosting Julie to speak about her first memoir, Twice a Daughter, on Dec. 18th. 

On January 8, the Adoption and Fostering Podcast with Al and Scott will share a conversation with Julie about all things adoption.

On January 9, Julie will speak to The Respect for Life Group at St. Mary Star of the Sea on Longboat Key in Sarasota about her books and identity and belonging.

On January 10, Julie’s interview about adoption and her writing journey will post on The Wandering Tree Podcast. 

On February 16, find Julie at J. McLaughlin’s on Longboat Key. She will be signing her books and donating proceeds from the “Sip n Shop” event to benefit the Longboat Key Library. 

On February 27th, Dr. Meg Meeker will host a conversation with Julie on the Parenting Great Kids podcast. 

To listen to other podcasts where Julie shares about her books, adoption story, and perspectives on all things related to identity and belonging, go to the media tab on her website.

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