Three Questions Affecting Adoption Searches: Why Now, Why Wait & Why Not?

My search journey encompassed three years and utilized several types of search angels before I located and connected with my birth mom.  Eventually, she provided a full health history and complete pedigree.  Eighteen months after entering into a reunion with my birth mother, I located my birth dad.  I never met my biological father, but he did return the medical questionnaire.  This information has benefitted my twin sister, my four kids, their children, and me. Health and family history were my primary goals in looking for the two people that gave me my start in life.

An offshoot of the issue of “Why Now?” is the question: “Why Wait?” Why do adoptees like me wait to search for their birth relatives until later in life? Besides a need for information, an adult adoptee might postpone their search in deference to their adoptive folks. I have several adult adoptee friends who decided to wait until their adopting parents had passed on or in ill health before digging into their adoption.  It was out of respect and thanks for the life that had been provided to them.

Often what drives a search is the fear that if an adoptee waits too long, the birth parents will not be alive to pass on vital details.  Still other adoptees are driven to dig for personal story, convinced that it is their ‘right to information’; the belief that they should not be prevented for any reason from knowing everything about themselves. A factor in the success of acquiring information is the laws of the state in which the adoption was legalized, and whether it was a closed, private or open adoption. Adoptee rights hit hard against ‘the right to privacy’ claims of adoptive and birth parents.

“Why Not?” or why don’t all adoptees search for the facts behind their adoption makes up another contingency of adoptees.  An adoptee who doesn’t search for birth relatives can be: content with the course of their life; doesn’t feel they want to abandon the family that they have come to love and know best by risking an adoption search; their adoptive parents are still alive; feels that a search is just opening up a world of trouble; that if their birth parents wanted them they wouldn’t have placed them for adoption; that it is too late to connect with their birth relatives; don’t have the resources to do so; and fear- fear of being rejected or fear of the facts that will come to light.  With so many reasons not to search for birth relatives, it is not surprising that many adoptees choose to ignore their beginnings and just go about leading their lives.

In closing, there are many questions that circle around the complicated issue of adoption.  Why Now, Why Wait, and Why Not are the most prevalent concerns that pop up as adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth relatives navigate the tricky realm of adoption search and reunion.  Each question should be considered before launching into a decision that changes lives. I am content with having found the answers I sought at the critical juncture in my adult life. I am convinced that each adult adoptee must follow their own path when it comes to questioning their adoption.

Available on Amazon!