What Is Closed Adoption and What Are The Benefits?

I’ve written about Open Adoption before (see my blog on 8-14-19).  These days, this is the most prevalent form of adoption. Conversely, closed adoption was the only option offered to parents during the 1950s, 60s and 70s when I was adopted with my twin sister.

One of the blogs I follow (blog.lifetimeadoption.com) posed this question – presumably from a birth mother:

What if I want a closed adoption?

Here are the opening paragraphs of Lifetime’s response:

“Today, open adoption is the norm, and most women want some amount of contact with their child after placement. But what happens if you want to have a closed adoption? Is that possible with modern adoption?

Open adoption has become more common, moving away from the shame and secrecy of adoptions in the past. But just because the open adoption movement is positive doesn’t mean it’s right for you and your situation…

As you think about open adoption vs. closed adoption, here are some things to keep in mind …”

What follows is advice about making a list of pros and cons for open versus closed adoptions, and then a detailed list of the benefits of open adoption. I read the entire piece and the author never returned to the original question:

What if I want a closed adoption?

The post read like a promotion or ad for open adoption, purporting that open adoption is more ‘modern’. The post even refers to shame in regards to closed adoption.  In point of fact, closed adoption was the only choice for birth mothers during the last century. The shame and blame birthmothers felt had more to do with the restrictive social mores, customs and values prevalent at that time, and not about the process of closed adoption.  I was left with the feeling that open adoption is better than closed adoption. Since I am a product of closed adoption, I asked myself:

What are the benefits to Closed Adoption?

I did some research. First, I wanted a clear definition and then I wanted a good list of benefits.

Closed adoption refers to an adoption process where there is no interaction of any kind between birth mothers and prospective adoptive families. No identifying information is provided either to the birth families or adoptive families. Non-identifying information such as physical characteristics and medical history is often provided.

The following list is from the American Pregnancy Association (americanpregnancy.org):

Closed Adoption Benefits for Birth Parents:

• Sense of closure– Some birth mothers and birth families report that having a closed adoption provided a sense of closure enabling them to move on with their lives.
• Privacy– For people who feel threatened and vulnerable by their decision to place a child for adoption, a closed adoption can offer greater privacy.
• Reduced fear– For birth mothers with concerns about explaining their decision to others, a closed adoption can offer a way to avoid confrontation.

Closed Adoption Benefits for Adoptive Family:

(Note: The closed adoption experience can vary from one adoptive family to another.)

• Family Freedom– When birth families are not involved, adoptive families are free to enjoy their family time without the potential complications associated with the outside intrusion.
• Absence of fuzzy boundaries– Eliminates the risk of complications that can arise from birth parent interference or co-parenting concerns.

Advantages for the Adopted Child:

(Note: The closed adoption advantages can vary from one child to another.)

Absence of fuzzy boundaries- Eliminates the risk of complications that can arise from birth parent interference or co-parenting concerns.

• Protection from unstable birth families-Offers the adopted child protection from unstable or emotionally disturbed birth parents or birth family members.

Heeding the advice of making a list of pros and cons, here are some of the benefits for Open Adoption (from the Lifetime Adoption blog):

• You have the opportunity to select the perfect adoptive parents for your baby 
• You’ll remain a part of your child’s life…open adoption doesn’t mean that you’re saying goodbye forever
• You can receive updates on your child as they grow up. Lots of birth mothers choose to get updates through email, social media, Skype, and letters. 
• It helps your child better understand his or her origins and adoption story
• Your child will grow strong in the truth that you made the best choice you could for them. They will know about your choice and will have the opportunity to know you if you wish!

So…  as an adult adoptee from a closed adoption and currently in reunion with many birth relatives:

Is Open or Closed Adoption a better choice?

I must agree with the experts at Lifetime:  Whatever choice a birth parent makes in placing their child for adoption is the right one.  Birth parents should not second guess themselves, as only they can make the right decision based on their circumstances. 

I would offer this advice to adoptive parents: tell your adopted child as soon as possible that they are adopted; provide a loving nurturing home; don’t play favorites between biological and adopted children. If your adopted child has questions, answer them or seek counsel.  If your child wants to know more about their birth parents or circumstances, help them in every way you can.  Your relationship with your child is vital.  How you handle verbal and nonverbal communication can test your bond with them.

In summary, there are benefits to both closed and open adoption. Ultimately, the choice is a personal matter.  Either option is beneficial if effective communication is put in place. Consistency, whether it is love or candor or support is the ultimate key to making adoption work for everyone involved.

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