Why do we blame?  

Have you noticed that lately there is more blame going around than there is praise?

The President repeatedly says, “the virus out of China,” refusing to refer to it with the appropriate scientific label, COVID-19. I suppose there is a little part of all of us that blames China for what our nation is going through right now.

According to Wikipaedia, “blame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible for doing something wrong, their action is blameworthy.” 

But, why is it that our first inclination when something goes wrong is to cast a wide net for someone or something to blame?  Why do we blame?

Perhaps, it’s a natural human tendency to shift the focus off of one’s self and heap it onto others.  It might be that we need to lay blame in order to compensate for our lack of control.  

Experts say blaming provides a way of devaluing others, with the end result that the blamer feels superior, seeing others as less worthwhile making the blamer “perfect”. Off-loading blame means putting the other person down by emphasizing his or her flaws.[4] In sociology individual blame is the tendency of a group or society to hold the individual responsible for his or her situation, whereas system blame is the tendency to focus on social factors that contribute to one’s fate (source Wikipaedia).

I’ll be honest, I’m guilty of blaming behavior.  I was battling to get at the secrets of my closed adoption and found a search agency that took my money and did very little else.  I blamed myself first for being naïve and trusting, then I blamed the closed adoption system which protected the rights of my birth and adoptive parents over my right to know.  

I blamed my adoptive mother often throughout my eight-year search for my birth relatives.  The first time was when I dug out a small mistruth regarding my baptism. My baptismal certificate was issued by Holy Name Cathedral in Chicago, but instead of receiving my first sacrament at the Cathedral, I’d been baptized in a little chapel at the orphanage.  My mother hadn’t lied, but I blamed her for perpetuating a lie since she hadn’t asked enough questions of the adoption agency. The second blaming was related to my being a twin. My mother was told by Catholic Charities that my sister and I were fraternal. A DNA test several years ago revealed that this is not true. We are identical.  Who should I blame for this lie? My mother, the nuns at the orphanage, the Department of Vital Records, the nurse at the maternity hospital where I was born? Any of them? All of them?  

Why do I need to blame anyone?

I was angry about discovering mistruths and misperceptions about my very existence. Am I embarrassed about my blaming behavior?  No. I acknowledge it as a human failing. Blaming gave me the vehicle for shifting powerful negative energy off of myself and onto someone else.

Could blame then be a useful self-protection mechanism? Perhaps, but I have found over time that acceptance and forgiveness make me feel better about myself than blaming others.

Who do you blame? 

Available on Amazon!