Writing Memoir That Is Believable

At a book event last week, I fielded a question that I’m often asked about the level of detail that I‘m able to put into my writing. 

Writing a scene in which the reader feels like they are sitting right next to the author, is a style of memoir writing that I learned through coursework at University of Chicago Writer’s Studio, Creative Nonfiction, Gotham Writers Workshop, and NAMW (National Association of Memoir Writers). But this information does not answer the question posed.

How was it that I had the content to write the heavily detailed scenes in Twice a Daughter: A Search for Identity, Family, and Belonging? 

My answer has two parts. 

First, I knew my characters well. Because I had a familiarity about their manner of speech, quirks and fancies, writing about them was an effortless process. While most of the dialogue wasn’t verbatim from when the character had spoken in the moment, it was nonetheless in the spirit of what happened. And I like to say that there are sections of my book when little thinking was required. I simply let the characters tell me what to write about them.

The best example of this was my adoptive father. I adored him. He was kind and funny. He loved sports. He was very Catholic, and his actions and words were predictable. He also had a good many pet phrases that were memorable. Writing about my dad meant sitting at the computer keyboard and letting the memories flow. It really was that simple.

The second part to the question about writing detailed and believable scenes has to do with journaling. I have been a journaler off and on throughout my entire life. I possess boxes of spiral notebooks–the Mead variety too–in my storage area. But when I was researching my closed adoption, I was too busy noodling strategy and digesting adoption laws and policies to maintain a consistent journaling practice. A conversation with my mother-in-law helped me re-set my priorities.

At the time, my mother-in-law taught courses in reminiscence writing to seniors at her local community college. One night, as I explained where I was in the process of locating my birth mother, she asked, “You’re writing all this down right?”

“Uh, no!” I muttered, somewhat embarrassed that I’d been caught slacking off.

“You really should,” she said gently. “Someday you may want to write a memoir about what you’re going through. You’ll need descriptions of scenes, people, and dialogue. Start jotting down snippets of conversation, details surrounding your experiences, as well as your reflections or reactions to what happened to you. Trust me, you’ll be grateful to have these notes to fall back on.”

Well, well, well. Was my mother-in-law right. Much of what I drew upon for my first memoir, Twice a Daughter, came from the notes I’d scratched into the journals she’d urged me to pick up. 

Both concepts, knowing a character well and paying attention to their traits and actions, while keeping a journal served me well in crafting my first memoir. In my current work-in-progress, the prequel to Twice a Daughter, I rely on journals that I kept as a young girl to inform the writing. 

And would it surprise you to learn that I currently maintain an active journal practice? 

Every day or so, I find that it’s helpful to write down the myriad of thoughts bouncing around in my head. The writing helps me to solidify where I stand on a particular topic or issue. Recently, I was perusing a pamphlet given to me from HFA (Hospice Foundation of America) titled “Understanding Grief,” and one of the recommendations for healing from grief and loss is to keep a journal. Because of the recent death of my husband, I’m benefitting from this writing practice. 

If you’re interested in more information about journaling or just want to know how to get started, try IAJW. They offer prompts, tools, and courses related to journal writing.

Writing believable characters and scenes rich with detail is possible for memoirists when we know our characters well, and when we have tools like journals to make a dusty memory spring to life. But even if you’re not a writer, paying attention to detail and jotting down your thoughts in a notebook will help you to clarify your ideas and engage with others in a meaningful way.

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